Should have said no
It started out innocent enough. Just some measurements to track progress.
Then…
Go ahead and step on.
Ok, I just won’t look down.
Oops, I looked down.
Shit.
Jerk.
I played the game with myself. I knew I was going to the doctor later and I could be re-weighed there. Maybe that number would be more favorable. Surely this scale was broken. I debated and debated and drove myself crazy.
Over a stupid number.
I know that my body is not at 100% right now. I’ve put on weight and I can feel it when I run. My clothes are a little tighter than they were last spring. I can put on a pair of pants, realize that they are a little bit tight and move on. But that number. That STUPID number! I honestly don’t know what my healthy optimal weight is, so how can I compare the number I saw today to some theoretical number?
I haven’t had a super complicated relationship with the scale during my life. I think it has been your standard distaste but I’ve never OBSESSED over the numbers. I’ve started to obsess though, over the past few weeks. I’ve been letting it ruin my day and that’s not OK. Today I decided I am done.
I took a positive step. When called back to the doctor’s office, the nurse said “Right this way, we’ll get your weight.”
I said “I’d prefer not to.”
No drama. No tears. No stress.
That number DOES NOT define me. I can define my fitness by the weight I lift, by the miles I run, and by how my clothes fit. A stupid piece of machinery has no place in my world.
I don't need a number to feel good about myself.
8 Responses to “Should have said no”
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- - January 23, 2012
The resolution you came up with is the only right one. Of course not having a perfect weight is of course not always good for your body, but what is important is to FEEL good.
You know, that you are working out, you will know when you want to fit into that pretty dress you wore a few seasons ago, but you also know that you are feeling good about yourself, not obsessing about numbers.
Congratulations on the “positive step” you took!
Keep it up!
Don’t stress! You’re a hotte babe and numbers really don’t matter.
Chelsea recently posted..A Future Redskin?
You’re smart not to let a number define you – I threw away the scale long ago – my jeans do a great job of letting me know where I’m at!
I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog – I love reading about other pac NW runners – I ran the Vancouver marathon in June as well!
kathy recently posted..Friday Five!
Although I tell myself not to worry about that number I will often admit I get wrapped up with it, although I am getting better at it. Definitely don’t let it ruin your days. We all have ups and downs with our weights. =)
Heidi @BananaBuzzbomb recently posted..You’re This. I’m That. What’s The Big Deal?
Good for you! I have been tracking my weight to help keep on track to lose weight, but I would be lying if I said I am not upset when I see the scale go up just a teeny bit!
kilax recently posted..Friday Question #179 [19]
I think it can be a really good tool and I’ve been able to use it that way in the past. Just can’t do it right now. Best of luck to you!
You’re identity is not a number or how you look. Great work!
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